Codependency and narcissism are distinct behavioral patterns developed in response to emotional neglect. The codependent and narcissist's experience of emotional neglect stem from parenting styles, where parental needs were prioritized over the wellbeing of the child. What each have in common are parents whose manipulative behavior created childhood coping strategies that supported an ability to withstand neglectful environments.

These normative patterns that appear behaviorally, are essentially coping strategies that in adulthood become maladaptive. This maladaptive behavior becomes more noticeable as it begins to affect the quality of intimate relationships. The challenges that arise in adult relationships are in response to the developed schemas or templates of childhood: where what is replicated in relationship is similar to what was experienced in childhood.

It appears that unresolved challenges experienced during formative developmental stages come up from the past to find us. These challenges arise in current situations under certain circumstances, imbuing familiar flavors of what we have known, but egoically repressed from consciousness.

Whether we see it or not, our ability toward relationship, and the quality of relationship, depends upon what we are willing to take notice of and then change. Until this comes into awareness or until we are able to recognize patterns needing to change, our behavior will remain inconsistent with what is desired past the powerlessness of childhood.

Dependency, emotional deprivation, and the powerlessness of childhood

Our way of being in the world, derives from the early experiences of childhood. Developmentally, childhood holds many key aspects for what is sought after for self-understanding. It is here within these formative years that we learn who we are in relation to others. We come to identify the value we hold, based on ways in which we are valued. We learn ways of thinking, acting and behaving, based on ways relationships are facilitated. Early on, we learn the conditions associated with getting needs met, within our dependency.

As children, getting what is wanted and needed depends upon the state, and wellbeing of the caretaker offering such care. If the caregiver has their own trauma, stemming from their own emotional deprivation, psychological health and wellbeing are affected. Effects of that trauma transmute to the child, and in turn impact a caregiver's ability to meet the needs of her child effectively.

Emotional neglect occurs when a child does not have a caretaker to whom she can turn in times of need or danger. A result of neglect is trauma. Emotional trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can be traumatic, even if it doesn't involve physical harm. It's not the objective facts that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized (Robinson, Smith, & Segal, 2017).

Author Walker...